The Life For Us
by coffeeisyum
Summary: Katniss and Peeta are sent back to District 12 in an attempt to pick up the threads of their old life. They soon realize going back to a stable and sane life is nearly impossible. Katniss will have to deal with her mental state and declining sanity while Peeta struggles with thoughts remnant from his previous hijacking.
1. District 12

The light from the fireplace animated shadows across the walls. Katniss watched them dance and flicker, and she moved closer to the shrinking fire. It was winter, but most of the cold came from within. She had spent 2 weeks by herself in District 12, roaming around lost and confused, and unsure how to pick up the threads of her old life. It was a ghost town. She hoped the new shipment of people arriving tomorrow would lift the spirits of the town. But she knew it would never be like it was.

Peeta would be coming tomorrow, too. She wasn't sure how to deal with his arrival. He was recovering from the hijacking and she was recovering from her insanity. She wondered if it would be better to stay apart for a while, until both healed. Healed. She laughed at the words. No. There was no going back. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes as the fire shrunk and the darkness engulfed her.

* * *

The brightness of the morning sun pierced through her eyelids. She moved her arm over her eyes to block the light, wanting to stay in bed. She heard knocks on the door and realized it wasn't the bright sun that had waken her, but someone's incessant pounding at the door. She stood up out of bed and catching herself in the mirror she realized she wouldn't have to change her clothes before answering the door. She descended the steps from her room and answered the door. Haymitch stood with his hands on his hips and a frown on his face.

"What you think you're doing in there?"

"Sleeping, what does it look like?" Katniss said, running her fingers through her hair to comb the tangles. "What do you want?"

"It's noon and the helicopter should be arriving any minute." He stood, staring at Katniss. "You know…the shipment of people who once lived in District 12-"

"I know. And why are you coming to tell me this?"

"I have some things to pass along to the higher authority. I figured we'd greet them."

"No thanks." Katniss said with her arms folded. She could be as stubborn as Haymitch, which was never a good combination.

"Peeta will be there."

"I don't care." Katniss started to shut the door but Haymitch placed his fist against it.

"You're coming. The Medical Team will want to assess you and I'm responsible for making sure you're available for when they arrive."

"Of course, I knew there'd be a motive for wanting me along." She said, giving in to Haymitch and stepping outside. "Let's go then."

"Might want to brush your hair. You know you'll want to look less insane than when they left you." She laughed at Haymitch's jibe and continued combing out her hair with her fingers. They walked mostly in silence through the District Square. Katniss tried to keep her eyes from surveying the damage as she had attempted to do these past two weeks.

By the time they neared the outskirts of the city, the transports were standing outside of the helicopter. They reminded Katniss of confused lambs, wandering around close to each other as if afraid someone would snatch them up. She saw a blonde head and before realize it was Peeta, he turned around and his blue eyes pierced Katniss. She quickly turned her gaze. She could feel Peeta's gaze upon her as she walked over to the Medical Team for an assessment.

She had felt like a hollow shell the past two weeks, sitting in front of the fire and rocking herself to sleep each night. But Peeta's gaze had awaken some feeling in side her. It felt like guilt mixed with anger. She had been so dead inside the past few weeks, and that's where she wanted to stay. It was comfortable there, with no feelings of guilt, shame or horror.

"Um, Miss Everdeen?" Her thoughts fell back to reality as a stout woman with beehive hair tapped her foot impatiently. She looked around, not remembering her walk to the medical team. She looked and noticed her rolled-up sleeve and bandage from where they had taken blood. She wanted to ask if she had passed out and was brought here, but assumed she shouldn't jeopardize her sanity. She must have had another blackout-something she termed when she would end up in places with no recollection of how she got there.

"Not off to a real good start, Sweetheart," said Haymitch.

"I'm sorry, what?" Katniss said, staring into the woman's eyes which were heavy with make-up. She wondered how this Capitol Woman managed to not stain her white coat with all the make-up and glitter that caked her face. Then she reminded herself she had to focus. She had to focus or she'd be sent off to some medical ward.

"How have you been eating?"

"Oh, good. Really, good." Katniss squirmed in her chair and Haymitch lifted an eyebrow from behind the woman, which signaled I needed to be a little more believable. "I had some…soup last night and bread and butter for breakfast…" She was never very good at being fake. She'd never make it in the Capitol. She smiled, hoping that would make her appear more believable, but apparently it had the opposite affect. Haymitch slapped his forehead with his palm and shook his head, so Katniss let the smile fade.

"Well, we're upping your medication and you'll be put on a few more. You seem…sane enough to care for yourself up to an extent and since Haymitch is here to watch over you…well, I guess you should be in decent hands. I'll be back within two weeks for another assessment." She shuffled back into her transport leaving Katniss with a satisfied grin toward Haymitch.

"Looks like I'm sane after all," she said to Haymitch as she stood up.

"Right, and I'm not a drunk."

Katniss turned around to leave only to find Peeta walking toward her. She quickly turned back to Haymitch. "I...think I'll go back now."

"Whoa, Whoa," Haymitch stand planting his hands on Katniss's shoulder. "This shy part of you is not becoming."

"It's not shyness, alright? I just…I can't take talking to him right now." Fragments of memory passed before her eyes of Peeta on television sick and confused from being hijacked, or his eyes blue as the ocean and gleeful as he handed her a pearl. She remembered seeing him in the crowd, worry paralyzing his face the moment he realized that she wasn't going to shoot Snow."

She put her fingers to her temples, trying to wipe the slideshow of images from her mind. "Medical team hasn't taken off yet, not a good time, Sweetheart…" Haymitch mumbled under his breath. His teasing expression was now marked with concern.

"Katniss?" She turned around to see Peeta standing behind her, his face confused.

"Hi, Peeta."

"Are you okay?" he asked as he looked from Katniss to Haymitch.

"I'm fine." She smiled and waved Haymitch's hands off her. She would be strong. "How are you?"

"Better. I've responded very well to all the treatments."

What treatments? She suddenly imagined Peeta chained to a chair while soldiers showed him pictures of her face. Would he jump up and attempt to rip the picture to shreds? She tried not to think about it.

As if reading her mind, he responded "You know I'm not going to kill you?" He smiled, but it dropped when the smile wasn't returned. "Katniss?"

"For what? It's not your fault you wanted to kill me." She tried to laugh it off, but her voice choked on the words. She remembered Peeta's hands around her throat, his teeth gritting as he pressed down on her in an attempt to stifle her very last breath.

"Your hands…" Peeta said, and she looked down to see her hands shaking.

"Uh. We better go before-" He eyed the group of soldiers, medical assistants and District 12 citizens that stood around the helicopter. Katniss had a blackout.

* * *

She saw a faint color of orange. Her vision focused and brought into view a small fire. She was in her comfort spot, as she liked to call it. It was the most comfortable chair in the house and placed in front of the fire. She spent countless nights watching the flames flick and crack until she was able to sleep.

She looked over at Haymitch who eyed her suspiciously. "What happened?"

"You went a little…" he circled his fingers around his temple to signal "crazy."

"Haymitch…"

He dropped the jokes. "I don't know. You were shaking and carrying on about how "fine" you were."

"I don't even remember getting here. It's getting worse...I told you-didn't I tell you? I said I didn't want to see Peeta."

Katniss heard a shuffling behind her as Haymitch eyes widened. She looked behind her to see Peeta standing in the kitchen. She cursed under her breath. Haymitch laughed. "Sorry, Sweetheart, I couldn't get rid of him. Well, glad to see you're fine now, but I have some business to attend to."

He left but not before taking a bottle of alcohol from the kitchen cabinet.

Peeta came over to her and handed her a bowl of soup. "Peeta, I'm sorry…" He shook his head as if to cast of the apology but hurt was evident in his eyes.

"You have every right to hate me. I tried to kill you"

"I don't hate you. It's not about that…I just…"

Peeta sat down in Haymitch's chair, his full attention made it difficult for Katniss to continue.

"I just…I keep getting these images and they were just worst when I saw you today. I think of everything we've been through and it's just…too much."

"I know it's too much. You've been through too much."

Katniss looked up at him. "You've been through a lot, too."

"Not as much as you. I don't even remember a lot of it." He gave Katniss an encouraging smile. "Eat your soup."

Katniss and Peeta didn't say much more to each other. She told Peeta goodnight and walked upstairs to her bedroom and stared at the ceiling for many restless hours until she finally fell asleep.

* * *

She woke to the smell of blood. Not the smell of fresh blood that her senses had grown accustomed to during the Hunger Games and the war, but a stale stench of blood. It reminded her of Snow. She wondered if there was a body around the house that had not been moved after the bombing, then cursed herself for thinking such a morbid thought. No, she would have smelt it these past two weeks if that were the case. She stood up, wanting to gag. It was getting stronger.

She walked over to the door, wanting to escape the aroma. She heard a crunch. Looking down she saw a white flower, flat from the pressure of her foot. Snow's white flower. She shoved the door open and jumped down the steps. When entering the living room she saw the top of Peeta's blond head; he was sitting in her usual chair in front of the fire that was now extinguished.

"Peeta-I-" she began. Peeta turned around and the expression on his face made her words falter. The darkness cast shadows under his eyes but Katniss could tell from the curl of his lips that he wanted to kill.


	2. The White Rose

I blinked. It took a few moments for the ceiling to come into focus. It was dark. My body ached. I put my finger against my neck. It burned. I sat up and tried to swallow away the lump in my throat. I looked around and as my eyes adjusted to the darkness, and I could see Peeta in a corner staring at me.

Instantly, I remembered. Peeta running toward me, a spark of hated ignited in his eyes. His arms outreached and before I could understand he had me on the ground, his hands gripping my neck tighter and tighter until there was nothing.

I jumped onto my feet and grabbed a sharp stick that lay near the fireplace. I used it for poking the fire with those long nights I was by myself, lost in thought. It might save me now.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I said, tightly gripping the stick.

"I'm sorry."

I lowered the stick. His voice was low with a hint of shame.

"I thought you had that under control?" Peeta ran his fingers through his hair. I lowered the stick and let it drop from my hands. I should be on guard. That's what I had learned in the arena. The moment you dropped your guard, you'd be dead. But I didn't care.

I stepped toward Peeta and kneeled down. "Get away," he said. But he didn't push my hand off his shoulder. "You shouldn't be near me."

"I know."

I put my head against his shoulder and we sat in silence for a while understanding one another, with no words needing to be spoken.

* * *

I woke up in my bed to a loud knock at my door. I wasn't sure how I got here. The last thing I remembered were my arms around Peeta and my head against his shoulder.

I opened the door to Haymitch's smiling face. "You've really got to stop doing this." I said.

"Well, if you wouldn't sleep until noon, I wouldn't have to."

I rolled my eyes. Him lecturing me about sleeping until noon? "What do you want?"

He gestured me to follow him. When we stepped into the living room, we were greeted by Peeta who was standing in the middle of the room, his arms folded.

"What do you guys want?" I said, as Haymitch turned around to stare at me.

"Snow! Snow is here!" he had a wild grin on his face.

"What?" I said, my ears ringing.

"Snow. Outside," He pointed toward the door. "C'mon!"

I stepped back. My heart pounded painfully in my ears and I struggled to breath. "S-S…" I struggled to say but my mind wouldn't let the words leave my mouth. "Can't. No, he can't. He's dead."

Peeta quickly stepped toward me, his arms out. I instinctively moved away and looked around for a weapon, but his strong arms stopped me. I could tell he wasn't trying to injure me, but I stayed rigid in his arms. He looked into my eyes, saying something but all I could see were his lips moving. I started wildly back at him.

He pulled me close to his chest, his fingers gripping my hair. Then I heard him. "Snow is dead. It's just snowing outside. Snow is dead."

He repeated the words. I pulled away from his embrace, my hands still shaking. "Snowing?"

"Yes," he said. "It's just snowing."

I thought I would have to explain my moment of mania. Or apologize. But Peeta grabbed my hand and smiled. "Come look."

I walked outside to see the fallen snow. We had never got much snow in District 12 before. The winters were cold and harsh and we would often get hail, but it rarely snowed. For Peeta's sake and for the sake of not revisiting what happened this morning, I walked with him and Haymitch around the district. It was less dreary and depressing with everything covered in the bright snow.

I felt normal for once. Walking with Haymitch and Peeta, their laughter and jests. I noticed many of the former residents, but most of the faces were new. Because of the state of most of the other districts, many were relocated to District 12. Despite the frigid weather, they were all out today helping repair roofs or just talking. Happy. This was the new beginning that we needed.

* * *

The warm air and loud chatter pleasantly enveloped me as I stepped into The Hob. I had never seen so many people inside The Hob at once, though I shouldn't be surprised. District 12 had more residents now and most people would rather be sitting near the warmth of the fireplace than outside in the cold. I was happy for Greasy Sae; business must be good.

"Any place to sit?" Haymitch called, looking around the room for a moment before shrugging his shoulders and walking toward the bar.

"Looks like there's a table in the back," Peeta pointed. "Why don't you grab the seat and I'll get us something."

I nodded and nudged my way through the crowd. When I stepped toward the table, I froze. The table had a single white flower on it. I picked it up, my hands shaking. This had to be a mistake. A joke. Something.

Red drops stained the white flower and when I looked closer my senses told me what the red stains were. I smelled blood.


End file.
